When being good, isn't.

Have you ever tried to change something in your life, in yourself and had it not stick? Of course you have. It’s human. There are lots of reasons for why we struggle to implement change. Fear, lack of clarity about what you want and which thing that isn’t working to change and healthy doses of self doubt quickly come to mind.

Another less considered but very real sticking point to change is that it might conflict with your identity as is the case for my many clients who live with the “good guy or good girl” moniker.

How do you quit your well earning, stable job to start your own thing, end your very unfulfilling marriage to pursue self love and the possibility of a well matched partnership, say yes to a grand adventure, and stop circling the drain while never disappointing anyone, never upsetting them and rarely putting yourself and needs and desires first (or 5th even)?

How do you hold onto being a good girl/boy and go after your own dreams when you’ve been told all these years that who you are, how you are, how you get to belong and be accepted by others and be successful requires living up to the expectations that come along with being someone who “doesn’t rock the boat.”

Problem is that to do this we abandon who we really are and what we really want. We impede our ability to hear ourselves, trust ourselves to know what we need and what’s right for us. We outsource “knowing” to those on the outside who might know better what we need. What if we get to create new stories about how to be both our truest selves in this world and express that with our creativity, innate gifts and personality.

If you are circling the drain trying to set yourself free from the “shoulds”, beating up on yourself, and feeling defeated ask yourself what part of your identity might be in conflict with the change you’re wanting. Who would I have to be or become for this change to feel better, be easier, feel like me? How can I love who I am as I create this change? How can I feel even most like me as I instigate change?

Ps. Empty nesting opened up time for a few coaching spots in my roster for those of you wanting the support to move you from what now? to what’s next. Reach out.